Enter Area 51

What color should I paint my nails? I was thinking blue and purple to match the rest of my foot. Bella had nothing to do with it. She's just there because she's cute and besides her happily wagging tail keeps smacking my sore foot. Anyways...last night I was bringing the makings of Mom's famous Chex Mix into the house when the screen door flew forward and whacked me in the Achilles tendon. This wedged my foot between the screen door and the threshold causing me to flop over ignominiously onto the bag of pretzels and Wheat Chex exploding their contents of Chexmixy goodness all over the icy patio. My wise and empathetic Mom encouraged me to get my ass up so I don't look like a chump just lying there (my words, not hers) and test my foot. As I did so my entire leg gave out due to the pain in my foot sending me tumbling down the outside stairs. This was the dumbest thing I've done since the Tequila and Vegan Nacho Cheese Kale Chip incident last week. As a PSA I'm le...

Last summer I had a very unusual looking weed start growing along my side of the neighbor's fence. I decided to let it grow and see what happened. When it started getting huge I had no choice but to name it. I called him Triffid after some man eating plant I read about once. He became as tall as the fence. One day my enormous weed, Triffid, was getting snow on the roof signaling time for his euthanasia. So with his scheduled execution in mind, I thought I would knock a few things off his bucket list. 1. Cubs win the World Series! wooooo! 2. I'll be home for Christmas...You can count on me.... 3. Happy New Yea...(thunk)

Twenty-five years ago today I walked down the aisle wearing a voluminous dress and got married. And for those 25 years I've been grateful for the enduring, blissful relationship I've had with....my Oster Regency Stand Mixer. I received "Reg" as a wedding gift, and he stayed for the whole reception (unlike the groom who didn't make it past dinner because he was so hung over from the night before. But I'm not bitter). My marriage with the the guy was an unmitigated disaster. We were lucky we made it off the alter before filing for divorce. But I have relied on Reg at least once per week since then. Oh sure we had our rough times. Like when Reg beat my red velvet cake batter too quickly and splattered the batter over 3 walls, making my kitchen look like a crime scene. And the way Reg blows his lid when I make an 8 cup recipe of challah. But that's when you need to concentrate on all the good things you made together, like the baby food we pureed for Zoe with ...